So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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