We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
