Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
