life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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