I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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