Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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