I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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