I got chris browned last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
