the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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