youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dicks are not precious.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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