Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize