No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
