Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize