for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
