Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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