Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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