Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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