If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
