I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
