Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
