Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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