So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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