when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
