maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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