I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
