Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
