Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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