used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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