Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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