So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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