Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
