i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
