and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
