he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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