i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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