i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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