Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
