i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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