we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
