the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
