you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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