i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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