i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
