big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
