her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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