I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
