member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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