Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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