Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
