I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
