do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
