It's like God shit irony all over that family
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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