So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
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ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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