We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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