tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...