Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and she was petting her beer can
we're making bets on your personal life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.