This girl is more easily done than said...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.