I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
