After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
pop tarts are not kleenex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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