i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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