ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
