i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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