In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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