the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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