drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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