how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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