Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
