I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
