he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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