rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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