quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
