you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
