i just google imaged poop.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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