I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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