why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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