Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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