i wish my penis had a tongue
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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