He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
